Wafflets with tea.

I’ve been watching your world from afar,

I’ve been trying to be where you are,

And I’ve been secretly falling apart, unseen.

To me, you’re strange and you’re beautiful

You’d be, so perfect with me, but you just can’t see

You turn every head, but you don’t see me.

 

I’ll put a spell on you, you’ll fall asleep,

I’ll put a spell on you, and when I wake you,

I’ll be the first thing you’ll see,

And you’ll realise that you love me.

~~ Aqualung, Strange and Beautiful.

i was listening to this on repeat XD it has relevance i think... somehow XD

Spoilerish blab. ouran manga spolierage for chapters 40-44 (fic itself is not spolierated so much...)

i've been translating alot of ouran stuff to pass my time, and to cure my insane curiosity to know everything...
I translated a little chart in chapter 44 that mapped Haruhi's thoughts about Tamaki. Although nearly half the pie chart stated she found him annoying or troublesome, there were three other sections. A quarter was taken up by a section i translated to 'honorable / respectful' a bit of her understands his good nature and ability to help others. The remaining sections took up about a third, the smallest of which was a small chunk marked 'kissing demon' (XDDD) she is aware of him, like i dont think she is with any of the other hosts. She remains wary of him 4 chapters after he kissed her in fevered confusion on the forehead.

The remaining part, suprisingly large, was 'significance unknown'
and my head ran riot with that.
you can see the chart here

anyway. i wrote this as a result. thought it has little do actually do with it
i wonder how i can write nearly 1000 words about a hug.... who knows.

i warn you, this is waffier than anything i've ever written before..

 Reasoning The Unreasonable

 

Her hand folded under his. Although it had been she who had moved, a wave of reservation hit her, prickling her skin, and clenching her gut. Regardless, she still quested for his warmth with her face held to his chest, a tight breath of air left her, like a sigh, a small resignation.

How did she get here?

She didn’t like to ask herself fanciful questions, but with matters concerning him it seemed necessary, and unavoidable.

Her other hand had found the small of his back, where it climbed under the fabrics of his shirt and sweater and rested on his warm velvet skin. A pang of nervousness hit her at this unreserved action and the additional closeness. She could now feel his heart beating in her head. The fact his heartbeat mirrored her own, fluttering fast and hard, was not a comfort. She didn’t appreciate the giddy feelings suffusing her body, but the added warmth it seemed to generate within her was welcome, it was so cold away from him, as if she told herself that was why she stayed in his arms.

These small internal protests were now somewhat meaningless. The rest of her mind had stopped listening to them, it had ceased to matter some time ago, but someone or something had found it fine jest not to tell her, leaving her confused at herself, but conflict grew weaker day by day.

At which point had this become okay?

 Safe?

… A desire even.

 She remembered she had felt she could have resisted him forever, unyielding and unimpressed, disregarding him completely. He has seemed so pointless and pompous at first,

A non-event,
A nonsense,
Nothing of consequence at all.

 If he hadn’t managed to pervade her every waking day, and force his way into her sphere of thought, it would have stayed that way. No one had ever invaded her time so completely before, managed to make her take note of their presence in her life so utterly. He had seemingly, a way of permeating even the toughest wall, the strongest of barriers, finding gaps and cracks that no one else would ever know were there, and without detection seep through, slowly, but relentlessly. It wasn't so much as she hadn’t noticed this invasion of her thoughts, or her feelings, but rather failed to understand thier implications until it was too late. She had been so busy trying to stop his more troublesome nature, his annoying mannerisms and the strange uncomfortable awareness she had of him, that she had let him win her over though his good nature, his open generosity and pure heart. But she hadn’t seen it; she had accepted it, without knowing what she had signed for.

Now she was aware of it, she was almost disappointed at herself. She had better things to think about surely, than the feel of his lips on her forehead, the ruffle of his hand through her hair, being pressed to the nape of his neck, and sensing his breath? Perhaps it was these things she fought?

But now she understood you couldn’t fight him or anything he did, he would eventually win, he always did.

She guessed she didn’t mind that really. He may be troublesome, but his intentions were good.

She closed her eyes; his arm was around her now, holding her in as if he was afraid she might run off. She was aware of everything, with senses heightened by the unfamiliarity of the situation. Perhaps a tiny part of her still wanted to fight it, reluctant to admit defeat, or perhaps it was due to something else, something she had no experience of…

maybe she wasn’t just resigned to this… she wanted this.

He hadn’t just invaded her life; he had made her want him to occupy part of it. She could have felt incredulity at that thought, but nothing appeared pre-meditated with him. It was as if he had no awareness of his strength, beside his innate positivity. This must have been how he worked his way into everyone’s lives, forcing his way through, in waves of good intention and bluffing foolish idiocy. The lines of reason and comprehension underlying his surface were blurred and inconsistent. Just how much did he understand? Would he ever truly get to grips with his ability to bring anyone he chose to his side?

He let go of her hand and stroked her hair gently. He hadn’t spoken for some time, perhaps aware to say something might spoil the rare self-indulgent mood she was in.

Her first hand joined the second, warm under his clothes, holding his back gently. The starchy cotton of his shirt was rough, but not unpleasant. She burrowed her cheek in a little more, noticing the tiny shiver he gave, fragile and fluttering at her touch. She breathed another small sigh.

Could she get used to this?

Did she even want to?

Questioning and re-questioning, trying to find reasons when there didn’t seem to be any. She would certainly have been calmer, more ordered without him.

But looking back now, could she see herself happier?

That hadn’t seemed important before.

But now it did.

In the warmth, at his chest, there was some kind of peace. A new kind, one she was getting familiar with, one she liked. It seemed yes, the feelings mingled with the reluctance were happy ones.

Haruhi let a deep smile draw over her face, and taking a deep breath snuggled in a little harder.

 

She could cope with this.

And it seemed she wanted to.

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i'm more at home drawing things than writing them down, but i thought i'd share... ^^