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Ouran Halloween

Title: An Ouran Halloween
Series: Ouran High School Host Club
Pairing/Character: Kyouya/Tamaki with all of the others
Rating: PG just to be safe
Summary: Kyouya and Tamaki get lost on Halloween

Cross-posted several places.

As always, comments, constructive criticism, and praise, however faint, are all desired and will be appreciated.

Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Hatori Bisco, and not to me.

“Tamaki”, Kyouya said from between clenched teeth, hoping to convey just the right amount of annoyance while still maintaining some semblance of control, “this is entirely your fault.”

“It is not! You agreed to it, too!” Tamaki gave him a reproachful look. His eyes were brimming with tears, but there was anger as well, which was something Kyouya had not expected. Tamaki turned his back on Kyouya, and with a flounce, sat down on the sidewalk. This would have been much more effective if he had not been wearing a large dog suit, and if Kyouya had not been holding a leash attached to his collar.

“I did not agree to your running off and then having to chase you,” Kyouya said, in what he hoped sounded like a rational manner.

“But you agreed to come with me,” Tamaki said. “You did! And anyway,” he said sulkily, “I’m not speaking to you.”

“Fine,” Kyouya said, almost as sulkily, and sat down on the sidewalk next to Tamaki. Why did I agree to accompany him on this unbelievably brainless adventure? As much as he tried to suppress the thought, he immediately knew the answer: it had been the puppy dog eyes. No one, not Haruhi, not Mori, not even Kyouya himself, could deny Tamaki anything when he gave them the puppy dog eyes. Kyouya sighed.

They were lost, in a very bad part of town, on Halloween night, without a cell phone or a yen between them.


The Host Club Halloween party had gone splendidly. As they were cleaning up and getting ready to leave, Tamaki said, “Haruhi, I’m curious. What do the commoners do to celebrate Halloween?”

Haruhi replied, “Well, Tamaki-sempai, in many neighborhoods, including mine, the children dress in costume, have a parade, and go door-to-door asking for candy. I used to look forward to it every year.” She paused. “In fact, this year, several of the parents have asked me to accompany their children on their rounds, so that the adults can tend to their doors or go to their own parties.”

Tamaki greeted this news with excitement. “Of course they did!” He said, hugging Haruhi enthusiastically. “My darling daughter is, after all, a most reliable and responsible young lady! However,” he continued, “I think you would benefit greatly from the help of the Host Club! We’ll all dress up in costume and assist you! Won’t that be fun?”

Before Haruhi could say a word, Hikaru and Kaoru had most enthusiastically agreed, as had Honey, who was certainly interested in anything that involved candy.

Haruhi’s expression revealed very clearly that she didn’t want to add to her existing responsibility by having several other, and probably much more unruly, “children” to look after. She looked rather pleadingly at Mori and Kyouya for help. Mori was no help at all; he shrugged, evidently agreeable to anything Honey wanted. Only Kyouya flatly refused. “Not a chance, Tamaki,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s one thing to dress up in costume for the Host Club, but I don’t intend to walk around the streets looking like an idiot.”

Tamaki had whined, “But Kyoooouya! You have to come! I’m going to dress up as a dog!” He suddenly brightened, obviously thinking he had just come up with a brilliant plan. “I know! You won’t have to dress up! You can just dress in regular clothes, and you can be my master! I’ll bring a leash, and you can hold it. Pleeeeease, Kyouya!” And he gave Kyouya the puppy dog eyes.

At that announcement, the twins snickered. Mori raised his eyebrows, and after briefly meeting Kyouya’s eyes, looked away. Honey said he thought it was a cute idea. Kyouya had such indecent thoughts that if it had been in his nature, he would have blushed. Tamaki continued to give Kyouya the puppy dog eyes, and Kyouya’s defeat was complete. Haruhi shook her head in disbelief.

Earlier That Evening

Kyouya’s driver dropped them off at Haruhi’s house at 6:00 pm. Tamaki was in his dog costume, the twins were dressed as cats, and Honey was a bunny. Only Mori, Kyouya, and Haruhi, who was in the process of rounding up the neighborhood children, were dressed in regular clothes. Honey had proclaimed, quite loudly, that Mori was his master, much as Kyouya was Tamaki’s, but with a giggle and a bounce that indicated that this announcement wasn’t quite as innocent as Tamaki’s had been.

They hadn’t been in the neighborhood very long when Tamaki spied a parade several streets over. Before anyone could stop him, he took off after it, ears flopping. Kyouya considered screaming at him, but wanted to preserve what little dignity he had left. Hikaru snickered and said, “I guess you should have kept him on his leash, Kyouya-sempai,” and Kaoru said, “Do you want us to go and get him?”

Haruhi said, quite sensibly, “I think it would be better if you two stayed here with us. Kyouya-sempai can go and find Tamaki.” She hesitated for a moment and said, “Can’t you?”

And so he had. The parade was always just a little bit in front of him, twisting through this street and that, and by the time he caught up with Tamaki, a crowd had gathered and he had no idea where they were.

Tamaki seemed delighted to see him. He insisted that Kyouya snap the leash to his collar, and introduced Kyouya as his “master” to several of the people in the crowd. The children seemed to take this bit of information in stride, but some of the adults gave Kyouya very odd looks indeed.

As the crowd started to move on, Kyouya pulled Tamaki away and suggested, none too gently, with an almost-vicious tug on the leash, that they had better start back, if they could find their way.

“Don’t worry, Kyouya!” Tamaki said brightly. “I asked someone for directions.” He seemed quite proud of himself, and for a split second, Kyouya was almost impressed. “We go this way!” Tamaki pointed and suddenly started off at a trot once again, almost pulling Kyouya, who was still holding the leash, off his feet.

About ten minutes later, it became evident to Kyouya that they were not going in the right direction at all. Although he was being pulled along by Tamaki at a seemingly breakneck speed, he couldn’t help but notice that they were going deeper and deeper into an extremely unsavory part of town. Without a word, Kyouya stopped short and gave another vicious tug on the leash, this time almost knocking Tamaki off his feet.

“Hey!” Tamaki said, looking back at Kyouya reproachfully. “That hurt, Kyouya!”

Kyouya ignored him and said, “I don’t think we’re going the right way.”

“But we are! I told you – I asked for directions.”

Kyouya was beginning to have a very bad feeling about this. “And just who did you ask for directions?”

“A man in the crowd. He was sitting on the sidewalk. He was dressed as a hobo.”

“And can you remember anything else about him?”

“He smelled like alcohol,” Tamaki said, and then continued a little hesitantly, “It … it was a very authentic-looking costume …”

“You idiot!” Kyouya muttered, not quite under his breath, and returned Tamaki’s hurt look with an exasperated one. He sighed. “Well, I guess there’s nothing for it except to call and have one of my drivers come and pick us up, if we can figure out where we are.” He reached into his pocket, only to find that his phone was not there. He checked another pocket. Neither was his wallet. “Tamaki,” he said in what he hoped was a deadly calm voice, “what did you do with my phone? After I let you use it to call Haruhi on the way to her house?” Tamaki had no pockets in his dog costume, and so he had left his phone at home. “And my wallet seems to be missing as well.”

“Oh, you gave me your wallet when we stopped to buy candy for Haruhi’s house after I called her, remember?” Tamaki said brightly. At Kyouya’s now-much-less-than-deadly-calm expression, he continued hesitantly, “and I … I left them both at Haruhi’s house. I didn’t want them to get lost or stolen!” he ended with a wail.

And that is how they came to be sitting on the sidewalk, lost, in a very bad part of town, on Halloween night, without a cell phone or a yen between them.

After a few minutes of sitting in sulky silence, Tamaki sniffled and said in a small voice, “Kyouya? How are we going to get home?”

“Damned if I know,” Kyouya snapped. “I don’t suppose you have any brilliant ideas?”

Suddenly Tamaki brightened. “I know! Maman always told me that if I got lost, I should look for a gendarme – that’s a policeman – and he would bring me home safely! Let’s go and see if we can find a policeman!”

“Tamaki, I think it’s highly unlikely that we’re going to find the police in this part of the city at this hour, and even if we did, they’d probably arrest us.” The thought of being brought home in the middle of the night by the police, or worse, having his father called to come to the police station to get him, did not appeal to Kyouya at all.

“But Kyouya,” Tamaki whined, “Maman said …”

“I don’t care, Tamaki! No!” Kyouya interrupted him with finality, and they both descended into sulky silence once more.

Suddenly, from where they were sitting, Kyouya heard the sound of a car creeping down the dingy streets. It sounded as if it was coming nearer.

“Ky-Kyouya?” Tamaki said, grabbing his arm. “Do you hear that?”

“Shut up!” Kyouya hissed. The car had just turned the corner and was turning down the street toward them, its headlights sweeping from side to side. Kyouya stood up and attempted to pull Tamaki into the shadows under a fire escape, but it was too late. The car stopped, and they were caught directly in the headlights. They stood frozen, Tamaki clinging to Kyouya and wailing at the top of his voice.

The car door opened, and the five other members of the Host Club spilled out. Honey ran up and hugged Tamaki around the waist. “Tama-chan! Kyou-chan! We were so worried!” The twins were bouncing and chattering excitedly. Haruhi stood with her hands on her hips, a disgusted expression on her face. Mori was as serene as ever. Kyouya felt almost faint with relief. And Tamaki was sobbing, “You found us! We were lost!”

A window opened somewhere above. “What’s all that noise?” a voice bellowed. From within the apartment another voice said, “Do we need to call the police?”

Tamaki immediately stopped wailing. He waved up at the face peering out of the window. “Oh, no, but thank you, anyway! We were lost, you see, but now our friends have come and saved us, so …” he was cut short as the rest of the Club members shoved him into the car and scrambled in after him. The car took off much faster than it had arrived.

Kyouya sank into the back of the seat, and avoided looking at the rear-view mirror, where the eyes of his bodyguards who were seated in the front were no doubt examining him questioningly. He closed his eyes, and listened to the din around him.

“How did you find us? How? We thought we were lost forever, didn’t we Kyouya?” That, of course, was Tamaki. Kyouya ignored him.

Honey, Hikaru, and Kaoru, all started chattering at once. A cool, sensible voice cut through the commotion. “Please everyone, be quiet! I’ll explain.” That would be Haruhi.

She went on. “When you and Kyouya-sempai didn’t return, we began to worry, and I decided that the most sensible thing to do was to go back to my house and call your cell phones. Imagine our surprise when we found Kyouya-sempai’s phone at my house. Hikaru decided that your phones must have somehow got switched, as we thought Kyouya-sempai would have better sense than to leave his phone behind.”

Kyouya smiled inwardly at Haruhi’s reproving tone. The girl really is more of a mother hen than she likes to admit. At any rate, it won’t be long before Tamaki opens his mouth and…

“Oh, Haruhi! Kyouya didn’t leave his phone behind on purpose! I forgot to give it back to him after I used it, and I left it in your house for safekeeping, and …”

Kyouya opened his eyes slightly and saw Haruhi hold up her hand, silencing Tamaki. “Never mind. As I was saying, Hikaru thought your phones must have got switched, so he called your cell phone, Tamaki-sempai. And, to his surprise, it was answered by Shima-san! She’s the head housekeeper at your mansion, isn’t that right?” Tamaki nodded.

Hikaru spoke up, “Let me tell the rest, Haruhi! I was the one who talked to her!” and before Haruhi could contradict him, he continued. “The first thing that Shima-san said was, ‘I suppose Tamaki-bochan is lost’. And when I said yes, she said, ‘I was afraid that was going to happen. I insisted that he take his phone with him, and he was very insistent that he didn’t need to, and, well, you know how he can be’”. Hikaru imitated Shima’s tone perfectly, and Kaoru giggled. “ ‘So’, she continued, ‘I took precautions. I suggested that he wear Antoinette’s collar, so that his costume would look more authentic. You see, Antoinette’s collar has a GPS tracking chip in it. We knew that if she ever got lost, Tamaki-bochan would be heartbroken. I don’t suppose you have a GPS tracking device with you, do you young master?’ I assured her that Kyouya-sempai’s car surely had one, and it did, and that’s how we found you!” Hikaru finished triumphantly. “Shima-san saved the day!”

Tamaki was quiet for the space of approximately five seconds, and then he said, “But I also saved the day! It was my idea to dress up as a dog in the first place, and if I hadn’t been dressed up as a dog, I wouldn’t have had the collar on and …”

Kyouya opened one eye and pointed out, “And you never would have involved me in another one of your unbelievably brainless adventures.” He closed his eye again, and, as expected, Tamaki started to squawk in protest.

The others immediately chimed in, and yet another Host Club lively argument began. Kyouya sat, eyes closed, half-listening to the cacophony, but, for the most part, ruminating on the events of the evening.

It would have been vaguely amusing, and much less annoying, to have stayed with the others, Kyouya thought, imagining Haruhi dressed as a mother hen, keeping all of her “chicks” (which included the twins, Honey, and Tamaki, as well as the neighborhood children) in line. But perhaps there were a few moments of the evening that I don’t regret. It was very satisfying to see the look on Tamaki’s face when I pulled that damned leash up short and almost pulled him off his feet. Kyouya smirked and started to drift toward sleep. He was really quite a sight flouncing and sulking on the sidewalk in that ridiculous dog costume. Kyouya relaxed more deeply. And how about that moment in the shadows of the dark alley when Tamaki clung quite desperately to me? That wasn’t totally unpleasant … and with that thought Kyouya came fully awake. He mentally shook himself. Don’t be ridiculous. The whole evening was a fiasco. A complete and utter waste of my time. Smiling contentedly to himself, Kyouya settled in for the short ride home.